When I Say I Do

October 9, 2006

At the risk of getting in trouble with one of my three best friend/bride to be's...I'm going to vent about the duties of being a bridesmaid. To cover my tracks, let me just say it is not being YOUR bridesmaid that sucks, but the duty itself that is wretched.

1. The title. Bridesmaid. Really? Couldn't we come up with a better title than bridesmaid? Negative connotation right from the start.

2. The dress. I don't feel like I need to go into detail here. But again, to avoid being dismembered from the upcoming bridal parties I'm a part of, I will. I will not wear it again, even if you think you picked a dress that I can wear again. And it may be pretty (on the model) but the circumstance is not. Fitting. Paying. Fitting #2. And three. And maybe 4. And the people that work at these dress shops, ugh. And the locations of most of them. And the hours...I mean...why wouldn't you open on a Friday!

3. The money. I love you, but I cannot afford you. That's why I am not getting married, and you are. Although I suppose a second income could alleviate some financial burdens...huh.

4. The expectations. A shower (or two), a bachelorette party...sometimes, a surprise...it's a lot to have on your shoulders. And someone is always dissapointed when you pick a date that doesn't work for them. And along with the party, there are the gifts...as a bridesmaid, you cannot just buy the towels off the registry...and it hurts my brain to be sentimental sometimes.

5. The family. It's not that I don't want to devote my weekend to you, but between the rehearsal, the dinner, the wedding day, night, and brunch...it's a lot of family time. And they're not even my family.

6. This is specific just to me, but the makeup. As a makeup artist, it seems that when IN a wedding, or when a part of a wedding, my professional abilities sometimes, and usually unintentionally, get taken advantage of. Its not that I don't love it. And its not even that I mind. But somehow, I end up applying my own mascara and lip gloss on my way down the aisle. Its tough to time it right to make yourself look presentable, and paint an entire bridal party.

7. The hair. Some may enjoy being pampered with hair and makeup on your day. I, personally, would prefer to sit by your side with Starbucks and a blanket. But instead, I am forced to stress about the outcome of my mop, because the stylists always insist that an up-do is the way to go, and do not believe that I look like a 14 year old boy with my hair pulled back. Think about it...you've probably never seen me with a ponytail.

So you see, "its not you its me." If I, as your bridesmaid, offend your choices, or at any point make you regret choosing me, I'm sorry. I really am honored to be a part of it, and more happy than I may appear. And it doesn't make it easier to have to split my wedding joy between 3 all in the same season.

Don't worry...although it is not in future plans, you may one day understand, IF I ever choose to be a bride, with you as my maid.