Merry Christmas & An Oven Mitt

August 16, 2006

They say with old age comes memory loss and insanity. I think I just didn't realize, again, that 25 was considered "old age".

In the last few weeks, I've noticed a pattern of perhaps some sort of dementia. I was once told that I might have a B-12 folic acid deficiency, which could lead to dementia over time. Well over time has come, full force.

I live in a condo. Right outside my door, there is a storage unit that I use. A few weeks ago, I went to get something out of the storage unit, and once retrieved, I turned around to go back into my house. Except, oops. I locked the door behind me on my way out, sans keys and cell phone, and now I was a prisoner in my own building. If I left the building, I would be a prisoner outside of my building, since my area is enforced with keyed-entry only. Gotta love security.

Woo. So, with really no options, I took a chance that when sweeping my front porch that morning, I had forgotten to lock the sliding door. Lucky for me, I had forgotten, so with a mere hop skip and jump over the railing, I was able to get back inside.

Same day. Same time. Just before the lock out, I began boiling water and frozen meatballs in order to "de-grease" them for my super secret cocktail meatball recipe that I would serve at a party the next day. While in limbo between storage unit and house, the boiling contraption on my stove slipped my mind. So upon re-entry, I moved on to some other household chore, until I heard a sizzling explosion coming from the kitchen. That's right. A grease fire-esque situation had erupted on my stove. Thinking quickly (for once) I turned off the stove and threw a towel on the slippery, smelly, stupid mess. Under control, and major catastrophe avoided. Until....

Moments later, after recovering, I washed a few dishes. One of these said "dishes" was a plastic lid to the 13x9 inch pan that I currently had baking in the oven. Since I don't have a drying rack because frankly, I think they're ugly, I threw the lid onto the stove to dry. Well, it dried quickly, considering I threw it on the only burner I had just used, and a little later, when I smelled burning plastic, I realized that I now had a lovely melted rectangle on my somewhat brand new stove. This was a joy to recover from.

Remember the 13x9 inch pan that was in the oven? Me too. So when I went to get it out, I stuck my hand in and grabbed it out. Do I have pot holders? Oven mitts? Check and check. I, for some reason, felt like the untouchable Superman with hands of unburnable steel. Quickly, I was also proven wrong.

A grease fire, a chemical fire, a 1st degree burn, and 3 "Amber Sunset" Yankee candles later, my house was back to smelling normal (quite lovely really...Amber Sunset is a hit!) and my melted hand was well on its way to recovery.

So maybe I was just having a bad day (insert Daniel Powter song here...) But since, I have done several more stupid things...)

I have turned on the oven without ever putting anything in it to cook. I brewed coffee without water. I have broken more wine glasses in 2 weeks than in my entire lifetime. And most recently, two days ago to be exact, I signed off an email with "Merry Christmas!"

I would say "Remember when everyday things came to us so easily?" But I can't. My dementia symptoms won't let me.