May 18, 2007
I've had a week full of internal questions. Maybe I surround myself with strange things...maybe I think too much. Either way, here are some things I will never understand.
I myself am an avid coin pincher. Maybe not when it comes to SOME things, but I certainly have my fare share of being cheap. For example, if the 60% off necklace at Target is still $8.00, I do not think this is a bargain. However, if it's $3, I'll buy it, even though I may not love it as much as the latter.
But today, I experienced a line even I wouldn't cross.
Scene: I'm 2nd to the head of the line-out-the-door at Subway attempting the purchase of my 6-inch turkey on wheat. I may as well have been last in a line of 42, because the two girls ahead of me were, well, slow.
Girl 1: "I see you have a footlong sub. Now if I purchase this, can I get half italian cold cut, and half pastrami?"
Subway man: "Yes we have a footlong sub."
Girl 2: "But can we get two halves?"
SM: "Not a footlong. We charge you more for two halves."
Girl 1 to Girl 2: "Ugh, should we get cold cut, or pastrami then?"
After a huge debate (approx. 2.7 minutes) the girls decided that girl 1 wins, and they ordered an italian cold cut. But of course, they each decorated their halves respectively, obviously confusing SG (subway girl) who was second in the assembley line behind the counter. And of course, this was obviously their first time at such a place, so the array of luxurious toppings really excited them.
All of this to save 25 cents. I toyed with the idea of handing them a quarter.
***
My morning drive includes a painful journey up St. Paul Street. With illegally parked cars, busses, and wretched pedestrians, it's a constant brake-riding experience, day after day.
Today however, was especially fun.
I got cut off by a biker. Not a motor biker. Just a man on his bicycle. Keep in mind that immediately to my right, and left, there is a wide, perfectly paved sidewalk, for him to venture down.
And of course, after he cuts me off, he travels at approximately 17 mph below the speed limit. Fantastic.
***
I'm not going to lie and say I haven't fallen victim to this. I won't even tell you that I don't frequently peruse perezhilton.com, tmz.com, and thesuperficial.com.
But, there are other reasons besides total loserdom and sheer pleasure that I read this junk. For example, I totally knew the answer to the trivia question the other night...What is the name of Paris Hilton's dog? Duh. Tinkerbell. But in the last few days, I've seen actual headlines (not even just on these smut sites) that have really just made me realize that we live in a far from normal, and really just ridiculous world.
Here we go: Britney Chews Gum At Comeback Show
Wow! Really? But what kind of gum was it? "I don't know Bob, let's see if we can get a closer look...ah yes...based on the color, it appears to be..."
REALLY?!
***
That's all for now. The rest of the world still makes sense I guess.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Million Dollar Idea
Innovation...shouldn't this lead to invention? I mean, if I can figure out how to hang a bulletin board at work with a simple paper clip/push pin combo (which by the way, I'm still owed $10 from a bet that I couldn't do it) why can' t I come up with a solution to an everyday problem?
Oprah had a search for the best idea last week. The audience voted on the top 5 or so inventions that she found 'round the states, and the winner gets set up with a QVC commercial slot, patenting, etc. The winner, a brilliant idea, was the Lock-N-Bake, a 13x9 inch pan with foldable removable sides. Scene: You bake a cake. You have to cut the first piece and get it out of the pan prettily. We all know that the first piece is NEVER the cute piece. So, imagine a world where you can take same 13x9 inch pan, and fold off/remove the sides, leaving you with cake on tray. Like I said, brilliant. She also demo'd with a lasagna, which I have my reservations about. How does the sauce, etc, not pour out of the sides when cutting if the dish is still hot? Even so, as I was watching this, I kept thinking to myself...ugh, why didn't I come up with that! In my head though, I came up with her winning slogan, "It's a piece of cake!" I know, I'm good.
A few years ago, I thought I'd hit it with the "heated ice scraper" idea. Sadly, my dream came crashing down when I was told I could already purchase this at Target. Then I thought, "Fine! I'll come up with something else." From there, I came up with the lipstick prep base. If they can make a base for eyeshadow to keep it on all day, why can't they make one for lips...why should I have to reapply liner stick and gloss with every sip of my coffee? So instead of finding a chemist and a lab to stir up a batch of my miracle cream, I just stopped wearing lip accesory altogether. Now though , you can purchase this very item at MAC. If you're interested, its called Prep & Prime Lip, and its amazing. After all, I knew it would be.
Oprah had a search for the best idea last week. The audience voted on the top 5 or so inventions that she found 'round the states, and the winner gets set up with a QVC commercial slot, patenting, etc. The winner, a brilliant idea, was the Lock-N-Bake, a 13x9 inch pan with foldable removable sides. Scene: You bake a cake. You have to cut the first piece and get it out of the pan prettily. We all know that the first piece is NEVER the cute piece. So, imagine a world where you can take same 13x9 inch pan, and fold off/remove the sides, leaving you with cake on tray. Like I said, brilliant. She also demo'd with a lasagna, which I have my reservations about. How does the sauce, etc, not pour out of the sides when cutting if the dish is still hot? Even so, as I was watching this, I kept thinking to myself...ugh, why didn't I come up with that! In my head though, I came up with her winning slogan, "It's a piece of cake!" I know, I'm good.
A few years ago, I thought I'd hit it with the "heated ice scraper" idea. Sadly, my dream came crashing down when I was told I could already purchase this at Target. Then I thought, "Fine! I'll come up with something else." From there, I came up with the lipstick prep base. If they can make a base for eyeshadow to keep it on all day, why can't they make one for lips...why should I have to reapply liner stick and gloss with every sip of my coffee? So instead of finding a chemist and a lab to stir up a batch of my miracle cream, I just stopped wearing lip accesory altogether. Now though , you can purchase this very item at MAC. If you're interested, its called Prep & Prime Lip, and its amazing. After all, I knew it would be.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Catch and Release
May 2, 2007
You can take the girl out of her high heels, but you can't take the high heels out of a girl. Let me explain...
I used to be an all-star pitcher. And by "all-star" I mean, in my 5 year stint of a softball career, I pitched 4, and was accompanied by one full-game-pitched no hitter. Clearly, my one and only claim to fame so far in life. Ten years later, without so much as a nod in the direction of a softball glove, I decide to grab one and head on out for a friendly game of catch at the local elementary school field.
Let me preface...although I say I pitched, somewhat decently, back in my day, I never said I could throw. If you've ever seen me play beer pong, or even a piece of candy across the office, this won't come as a suprise. I have no aim. And even worse, I have no power. Are you standing 20 feet away from me? Move closer, you're too far.
Anyway, so here I am, playing catch with my newly purchased (gifted) hot pink and black softball glove. We've got a baseball and a softball to throw around for variety. And I decide, hey, let me throw a few pitches! As most of my great ideas are, this was a very bad idea...
First, because the memories of my pitching days are much prettier than what ten years out of practice reality actually is. Out of, oh, 473,000 pitches, I think I threw 3 slow pitch (I played fast pitch) strikes. On top of it, a 10,000 mile an hour ball came at me, which I caught, sort of, until it bounced out of my glove and struck me in the chin leaving stitch marks (battle wounds) in place of my new spray on foundation from MAC. AND three days later, I still can not lift my poor right arm over my head.
In my moments of cripple-dom, I had a lot of time to think about all of the other things I suck at now...
Biking. Yes. "It's just like riding a bike." Fine. But let me tell you, riding a bike is not even "just like riding a bike." I got on it, started to tip, had a small panic attack, thought I might die, and have since found home on the stationary bike that won't dump me onto a pile of gravel on the trail.
Cooking. Some of you who read this might laugh, but I really did used to be quite the little chef. In college, my roommates might have starved if not for me and my mother-donated recipe box. But somewhere along the way, I got lazy. Actually, let's "euphemism" this and say "cultural" in wanting to try out all different kinds of restaurants.
Farsi. Yeah, I used to speak it. So what if I was 5, but rumor has it that this girl was bilangual at the early age, until my second language was neglected in the home. Kinda not my fault, but still.
Makeup. I don't know if its my inability to do my own makeup, or just my skins inability to wear it proudly anymore, but when I look back at pictures from my earlier days of makeup wearing, it just looked better back then. Maybe because I used to spend an hour getting ready to go to the grocery store, and 2 if I was actually going somewhere there might be a camera. Either way, rest assured though, that I still can do other people's makeup. Feel free to hire me for your upcoming wedding or event.
I could go on. But my right arm is making it difficult to type from pretending that I'm still an all-star pitcher...
You can take the girl out of her high heels, but you can't take the high heels out of a girl. Let me explain...
I used to be an all-star pitcher. And by "all-star" I mean, in my 5 year stint of a softball career, I pitched 4, and was accompanied by one full-game-pitched no hitter. Clearly, my one and only claim to fame so far in life. Ten years later, without so much as a nod in the direction of a softball glove, I decide to grab one and head on out for a friendly game of catch at the local elementary school field.
Let me preface...although I say I pitched, somewhat decently, back in my day, I never said I could throw. If you've ever seen me play beer pong, or even a piece of candy across the office, this won't come as a suprise. I have no aim. And even worse, I have no power. Are you standing 20 feet away from me? Move closer, you're too far.
Anyway, so here I am, playing catch with my newly purchased (gifted) hot pink and black softball glove. We've got a baseball and a softball to throw around for variety. And I decide, hey, let me throw a few pitches! As most of my great ideas are, this was a very bad idea...
First, because the memories of my pitching days are much prettier than what ten years out of practice reality actually is. Out of, oh, 473,000 pitches, I think I threw 3 slow pitch (I played fast pitch) strikes. On top of it, a 10,000 mile an hour ball came at me, which I caught, sort of, until it bounced out of my glove and struck me in the chin leaving stitch marks (battle wounds) in place of my new spray on foundation from MAC. AND three days later, I still can not lift my poor right arm over my head.
In my moments of cripple-dom, I had a lot of time to think about all of the other things I suck at now...
Biking. Yes. "It's just like riding a bike." Fine. But let me tell you, riding a bike is not even "just like riding a bike." I got on it, started to tip, had a small panic attack, thought I might die, and have since found home on the stationary bike that won't dump me onto a pile of gravel on the trail.
Cooking. Some of you who read this might laugh, but I really did used to be quite the little chef. In college, my roommates might have starved if not for me and my mother-donated recipe box. But somewhere along the way, I got lazy. Actually, let's "euphemism" this and say "cultural" in wanting to try out all different kinds of restaurants.
Farsi. Yeah, I used to speak it. So what if I was 5, but rumor has it that this girl was bilangual at the early age, until my second language was neglected in the home. Kinda not my fault, but still.
Makeup. I don't know if its my inability to do my own makeup, or just my skins inability to wear it proudly anymore, but when I look back at pictures from my earlier days of makeup wearing, it just looked better back then. Maybe because I used to spend an hour getting ready to go to the grocery store, and 2 if I was actually going somewhere there might be a camera. Either way, rest assured though, that I still can do other people's makeup. Feel free to hire me for your upcoming wedding or event.
I could go on. But my right arm is making it difficult to type from pretending that I'm still an all-star pitcher...
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