My Big Fat Jewish Seder

April 3, 2007

First things first, Happy Birthday Annie, Jesse, and any other April birthdays that might be coming up. Happy Passover, Easter, and any other holidays that might be coming up. Perhaps, if people think they will get shout-outs on my blog, they will actually start to stop by and read them. My aplogies to all prior bdays and holidays that did not receive shout outs themselves. Happy all of those things to all of you.

Back to Passover though. Last night, as we annually do, my close family (reaching 20 in numbers last night) gathered for dinner (or more specifically, the Passover seder) at my grandparents house. As you might imagine, dinner with my family is never boring, never quiet, and never ever normal. A quote, straight out of an email from my aunt that I got this morning..."Brad got in the car last night and announced that we are seriously dysfunctional. I have to agree."

Let's go around the table. At the far right end of the table, we have the "cousins." I have since graduated to the adult part of the table, but this is where I used to park for all family affairs. But, nonetheless, the rest of the cousins still get assigned here. First, meet the 6-year old, who last week, decided that Pottery Barn was a ripoff, and last night, decided it was time that she learned to knit. Then, there's the product of growing up along side of me, the 19 almost 20 year old college student, who thinks everyone has "issues", that relationships are a waste of time, and that marriage/children are out of the question. It is super fun for me, however, to hear how my stories have influenced him, and to take a breather as the attention shifts to his love life and not mine. Throw in the other cousins who can't sit still, or get through 5 minutes without whining or even crying, you get the first part of a circus act.

The middle of the table is filled by the aunts and uncles. This is the area of the table where the dinner conversation always switches from Israeli freedom to sex, and "sarcastic" analogies between slavery and marriage, and the awkward comparison between public and private schools make it so you can cut the tension with a butter knife.

To the far left sit my grandparents. At nearly 80, you wouldn't know it (my grandmother has less lines around her eyes than I do.) Talk about opposites attract...try polar opposites. Married over 50 years, 4 children, and 9 grandchildren later, they still share a bed. Last night was no different than any other night in there house. Women in the kitchen, men at the table, and my grandfather driving everyone out the door. After we were all yelled as he tried to uncover the culprit who turned on the AC when he had windows open, the 7 bottles of wine we started with at the beginning of dinner became 7 empty bottles pretty freaking quickly.

Conversations ran a muck, and as per usual, when questioned about my "dating-life", I laughed. See, with me, its not "meet the parents" anymore, it's "meet the family". Picture "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" with more bleeping. And I just don't feel sad that I am safely avoiding this so far...I just wait for the day that I decide to bring a date to dinner. I will have to forwarn and potentially ask for forgiveness after, about whatever unfiltered things get said during the break between matzoh ball soup and gefilte fish.

Seriously, how did I end up so normal?