If I Had A Million Dollars...

March 7, 2007

I regret inform you (and even more regretfully me) that I am not the winner of the Mega Millions jackpot. Myself, along with 15 of my closest coworkers, were selfless in our attempts to prosper, and entered all of our tickets into a pool. No one claimed there own ticket, and if one hit, we all won big. $23.6 million big to be exact. Yeah yeah, taxes, whatever. But still. Even $10 million...hell....$1 million...what would I do? Where would I go?

I like to think that I'd cut some money off to my favorite "peeps." My parents, my extended family (which if you know me, is not a small feat) , my closest friends. But then it gets complicated. Is it like having a party? If I invite A, B, and C, then I can't not invite D? And then I wonder, would I actually share as generously as I do when I win in my head?

I've also pretended I should go on Deal Or No Deal. But I watch these greedy bastards who turn down $290 million to keep going. I panic for them. Heart races, palms sweaty, and a littly too dizzy to stand up if I needed to. I wonder what I would do in that situation. My luck, my first six cases opened would be the top 6 amounts, ruling out all chances of being any kind of big money winner. So something tells me that if they gave me a first offer of $17,000, I'd be like "Deal! Peace out Howie!" I'd also be saving myself the real life anxiety of continuing on and passing out on stage.

I'm actually a little depressed about my loss. There's always a little part of me when I buy into the lottery, or play a slot machine, that thinks "This is it. I'm going to win and my life is going to change." But then, I don't. And, it doesn't. My dreams are still just dreams - and since my generous plan to share includes some of you, your dreams are also still just dreams.

You can't win the lottery if you don't play the lottery, so trust you me, I will do this again. And, I may have perused the Deal Or No Deal website, so, anyone with a video camera...come find me. I need to make a tape...