I Got an "A" In This Class

Buyer behavior analysis was a great class in my marketing track in college. I just think not enough people enrolled in it...

I get them all the time...spend $50, get $10 dollars off...spend $75 dollars, get $25 dollars off...you know the deal...the full color postcards that come in the mail from all your favorite credit card issuers.

The same postcards that you never seem to have on you when you happen to be shopping.

I thought, though, that I'd figured it all out. I placed all of these fancy discount cards in the one place I always am...my car. I have at least 47 for Bed Bath & Beyond...and one each for NY&Co. and The Limited. Conveniently, the other day when I decided to stop at the mall to buy a last minute get-up for my aunt's 40th birthday party, I didn't have to go home first.

But I wasn't surprised when I couldn't find the one I needed. I parked at the mall entrance of my choice, conveniently near the destination, and began to dig through my slowly building pile of money saving heaven. And then, I realized....ohhh no. Where is the one I need? Too tired and unmotivated to turn around, I shopped sans coupon.

At the register I asked..."Can I bring my receipt back with the coupon later to apply the discount."

Response, "We can't apply a coupon to a prior purchase." Huh, really? You CAN'T? Or you won't? I'm guessing the latter.

I'm a woman with an occasional cash flow that seems to burn in my pocket. Why, then, would you not want me to re-enter your store at a later date? Do you really think I'm going to come in and leave without a bag? Because I won't. But now, I have no reason to come back. At least not until I have another event that demands a slightly more fashionable appearance than what my current closet presents to me.

When I don't have my Giant bonus card on me, they let me type my phone number, or, they use a generic "good for anyone" card that they keep handily at the register. So why then, if you know you send at least 10 postcards a month (and somehow, I'm on the mailing list twice, so do the math) can you not apply the coupon if I say I have one. It can't be that unbelievable that I would.

Now sure, my guess is some people might take advantage and say they had a coupon even if they didn't. But so what? You're still making a sale, possibly gaining a new customer, and, you're saving money on the direct mail you might have had to send to get that person to come into your store in the first place. My bet is it all adds up.

It turns out that I'm returning half the stuff I bought anyway. This is called buyer's remorse...one who makes a purchase, and immediately regrets it afterward. So, after my return, the coupon wouldn't have made a difference because now I haven't spent enough to have used it in the first place.

Although, I wonder...if I'd spent less, maybe it wouldn't be worth the trouble of returning since I'd have gotten a good deal anyway...

When It Rains It Pours...

Why exactly must it be true that when it rains it pours? Figuratively speaking of course. Because when it really does rain, it doesn't always pour. Sometimes, its just a mist, or even a drizzle. Often its just a brief shower. Rarely though, does it actually pour. At least not here, not lately.

Except figuratively. When it rains in this figurative world, it most always drowns me like a sewer rat.

For example, how BGE goes up 70% the same year we have a heat wave.

Or the day you decide to actually utilize your sunroof happens to be the day you leave for vacation without your car. It's also the same day they are calling for, ironically, a thunderstorm...and you get a phone call when you're halfway to Myrtle Beach advising you that you forgot to close it.

Or, like this...

Last Tuesday (I think), I overslept. I woke up just before 8:30 (that's right, almost an hour after I usually get to work.) My alarm, which I had incorporated as background noise in my dream on this morning, had gone off promptly at 6:27 am, as it has for the past 2 years.

Once I finally got in the car, I noticed, huh, empty gas tank. Fantastic. Well, this just so happened to be the same morning that everyone else in the Owings Mills metropolitan area also needed gas AND decided to use the BP on the corner of Greenspring Valley and Reisterstown Road.

Three years later, I was able to restart my venture to work. 12 years later, after travelling approximately 10 mph down 83 south, I parked in my parking lot. This lot is one where you sometimes have to double park and leave your keys with the attendant. Today is one of those sometimes. So, like a master, I back in, lock my doors, and venture toward the attendant hut.

Then I noticed the slowly building line of people. Of course! The attendant was not there. A "will return in 5 minutes sign" was there in his place though. Fantastic. So, myself, and the two nice girls I made friends with that morning chatted as we waited 20 ridiculous minutes for his non-arrival.

We waited until an older, wiser woman parked her car, pulled back the locked door just enough to drop her keys inside, looked at us as if to say "Suckers, how long have you been waiting here!" and then headed off to her daily routine. Exchanging glances, we took turns holding back the door, dropped our keys inside, and silently prayed that the man would not only eventually return, but also find and safely store away our keys.

This, clearly, is the same day that I'm at work until after 7:00. And so obviously, upon return to the parking lot, the attendant had decided to take his next break, and coincidentally, leave a "will return in 5 minutes" sign on the locked door where my keys may or may not be hanging just 2 feet away, inside.

And then it started to rain.